The Road to Recovery 2

"Now they were on the road...and Jesus was going before them..." (Mark 10:32 NKJV)

Principle 2 - I came to earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover.

Hope...Stop denying your pain...Hope springs eternal in the human breast. Without hope we are powerless. the root of powerlessness is pride. What was the sin of Sodom? Like many reading these words for many years I believed that the sin of Sodom was sexual. However scriputre puts a different slant on things. Ezeliel 16:49 says: "Look, this wa the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughter had Pride : the fullness of food and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy." Pride is arogance; ignorance, mixed with power it become a deady mixture. having more than you need, while others have not enough. "And they were haughty and committed abomination before me; therefore I took them away as I saw fit (Eze. 16:50 NKJV ). But this is not the half of it.

"Samaria did not commit half of your sins; but you have multiplied your abominations more than they, and have justified your sisters by all the abominations that you have done. You who judged your sisters, hear your own shame also, because the sins which you committed were more abominable than theirs. Yes, be disgraced, and bear your own shame, because you justified your sisters " (Eze. 16:51-52 NKJV).

Do you get the picture?

""When I bring back their captives, the captives of sodom and her daughters, the captives of Samaria and her daughters, then I will also bring back the captives of your captivity among them, that you may bear your own disgrace and be disgraced by all that you did when you comforted them...For thus says the Lord God, I will deal with you as you have done, who despised the oath by breaking the covenant (Eze. 16:53-59 NKJV).

Without hope, we are all lost. "Faith is the evedence of things we hope for... (Heb. 11:1) In the darkness, God goes on...

"Nevertheless," don't you just love that word? "Nevertheless, I will remember my covenant with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you. Then you will remember your ways and be ashamed, when you receive your older and younger sisters; for I will give them to you for daughters, but not because of my covenant with you. And I will establish my covenant with you, then you shall know that I am the Lord, that you may remember and be ashamed, and never open your mouth anymore because of your shame, when I provide you with an atonement for all you have done, says the Lord (Eze. 16:60-63 NKJV).

My hope is built on notheing less than Jesus' blood and righteouness.

I want to be free. I want to be more than I am.

I want to be free. I want to be like the man,

who went to the cross, to break the chains of my sins.

I want to be free, like him.

And the last verse of this most powerful tune, written by my pastor, many years ago, says.

O Lord, you have set your people free, so we are free indeed,

to cry abba to Almighty God, by the Spirt we've received.

Hope, indeed, "I earnestly believe that God exists, that he cares for me, and that he has the power to help me recover.

I came...I arrived

I came to...I woke up

I came to believe...Jesus alone can restore me to full recovery.

The Road to Recovery

"Now, they were on the road...and Jesus was going before them" (Mark 10:32 NKJV). This is the road to recovery, a twelve step program like no other.



Principle 1: To realize that I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing, and that my life in unmanageable. We must stop pitching our tents by the river in Egypt-de nile. You can't heal a hurt if you don't admit that it is there. "They have also healed the hurt of my people slightly , saying peace, peace, when there is no peace" (Jer. 6:14 NKJV).



"For I know that in me (that is in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good, I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do, but the evil that I will not to do, that I practice" (Rom. 7:18-19 NKJV).



Pride gets in the way.



"Look, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom, she and her daughter had pride, fullness of food and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy" (Eze. 16:49 NKJV).



Fear gets in the way. Worry is a sure sign that we do not really trust God.

"Therefore, I say unto you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink (or perhaps what others will say of you) nor about you body, what you will put on...Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" (Matt. 6:25-27 NKJV). Over 600 times scripture repeats the phrase, "Fear not." Who are we to worry. The answer to fear is love. The answer to denial is honesty and openness with ourselves, with God, and with others. Pull up ypur tent pegs, Leave the river of denial, and get on the road to recovery.

What a Journey!

What a journey! It is said, by those in the know, that a person will change careers eight time in a lifetime in the world of work. Let's see how I have done. I began as a barber in Swift Current, SK; then I followed my father into the airforce where I was a military policeman. Upon escaping the service I returned to barbering for a time; and when that didn't work out, I tried life as a drug pusher. This ended up in prison, and I tried my hand at mechanics. Then for a couple of years, school became my obsession, but when I got a job as a truck driver paying 22.00 an hour, education became the last thing on my mind. A motor vehicle accident on the Second Narrows Bridge ended my driving career for a year, then I got a job doing pickup and delivery. A major life change resulted in my first attempt at church work. I was a janitor in the Salvation Army. This was quickly followed by a couple of years at bible school where I began to believe that I was destined to be a pastor. I turned to Christian mission work. For the next ten years I spent my nights and days as a childcare worker in a small Christian mission in the Okanagan. I advanced through the ranks at the One Way Adventure Foundation and found myself directing three distinct programs, which in turn lead to an administrator's position in charge of social services. During my time at the foundation I often found myself teaching rock climbing and leading wilderness expeditions during the spring, summer, and fall of each year; and after ten years of intensive child care work I took a break and went to seminary-the Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminary to be exact. I returned to the Foundation for a couple of years as an administrator. of the Side Street Program in Penticton. After a couple of more years of this I turned again to education, and graduated from Regent College in Vancouver with a Masters Degree in Christian Studies. I began then to work with street kids as a detached street worker and followed many of them to the federal prison system (as a service provider not a prisoner) with M2W2. I tried my hand at educating, and returned to the One Way Adventure foundation as Administrator of the Applied Christian Training School (ACTS). When the Foundation closed its doors for the final time I turned once again to studied and earned a Masters Degree in Adlerian Counseling, that lead me to the North Island and the Crisis and Counseling Centre where I served as a family counsellor. Back once again to education and I worked at North Island College as a Return to Work/Welfare to Work specialist. When the college downsized I found myself directing and developing wilderness camps for Rediscovery International. I am getting close to the end! After five years of volunteer work I turned to a 30 year dream, I pastored an Aboriginal Church in Alert Bay. Another failure, jumping the gun on God left me once again without meaningful employment. After a further two years I fell into a dramatic career change. This time another dream held since childhood. I became a cook in a local restaurant. Today, I am the AM line cook at the same restaurant, I have co-founded, with my wife and a federal prisoner, Hope Builders-Christian Restorative Ministries; and finally I am pastor at the Living Room Church. It has been a real interesting journey, and sometimes the journey is the destination.

Life Experiences

Reading Seasons of Resurrection in the April issue of the Testimony has prompted me to write my own. This is my story of finding purpose in the weave of God's grace.

My story begins in an ill conceived marriage and a poorly planned pregnancy designed to save an already failing relationship. Three months after my birth, my father was imprisoned and my mother, snatching her two young children ran to seek peace in the farmlands of the prairies. Out of this grew her desires to, at all costs, protect her daughter and her son. It was in 1954 that we moved into the derelict hotel where mother kept house to provide for her little family. The hotel was frequented by men who found themselves unable to travel to their own homes after a night of drinking. Nightly visits by the local police were standard fare for my early years. Two years after our arrival in the hotel one of those who frequented the dark hallways and dingy rooms lured me from my mother's watchful eye; and in the darkness I was sexually assaulted. Now some would see this as a travesty of the dark lord, but it is the place where my story really begins.

You see, mother, unable to escape her own life situation, fearing that the abuse would continue, knowing that she could no longer protect me, sent me to live with her youngest sister and her family. It so happens that Aunt Tillie and Uncle Earl had recently come to Jesus. Mother could have no idea of what was to lie ahead. She only knew that in this home I would be safe.

I spent many summers, and in 1961, a whole year in that wonderful home. It was there that I first heard of Jesus, and during my second summer it was there that I committed my life to him. . And it was there, in the summer of 1961 that at a bible camp where I spent each summer, I would experience an out pouring of the Holy Spirit that would seal my relationship with the Saviour for the years that followed. Conversion and a radical baptism in the Spirit of God was not followed by a wonderful life. At Christmas of 1961 I returned to live in my mother's home; and we traveled to the west coast to live with her dying father. Without the support of a Christian family I soon found my own way, and found myself lost.

At 17 I ran away from home and found myself living on the street. Drugs followed, and soon I found myself arrested and in jail. , But, the story is not over. 15 years after my wanderings began I found myself, at the invitation of a friend, in a Salvation Army Church in Vancouver. It was here that I would once again find my way back to the Father, and find him not only waiting but actively seeking me out. I once again experienced the mercy and grace of God.

In the wonder of another undeniable experience, I remembered the stories of Jesus, learned in the home of Aunt Tillie and Uncle Earl. I came home to Jesus. As I sit in my own home 32 years later, I find myself marveling at the grace of of God. Grace always triumphs shame. Today I hold a Master's Degree in Christian Studies from Regent College, a most prestigious Christian graduate school, and just this past week heard a First Nation's woman whom I honour and respect, refer to me, in public, as "pastor;" and I think of the story of Joseph.

After the death of his father, Jacob; his brothers who had mistreated him as a child, and sold him into slavery, feared reprisal. So they came up with a story in which Joseph was called to forgive. "And Joseph said to them, fear not; for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save a people alive" (Gen. 50:19-20). God comes into view, as pastor Q, Cara, myself, and many others who question God are faced with sovereignty, mercy, and grace.

One of the blessings that God has given me through Regent College is an ability to work in the original languages. The truth is found only in the Hebrew where the same word "chashab" is used both for the evil intentions of Joseph's brothers and the Good intentions, plans, and purpose of God. "I know what I am planning for you, says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future" (Jer. 29:11-NCV).

How, you may ask, has the intention, plan, and purpose of God played itself out in the evil intentions against me? It is grace in the weaving of the tapestry of life. If I had not been sexually assaulted, mother would have never sent me away to live with Aunt Tillie. I would not have heard the gospel and witnessed it in the lives of mother's youngest sister. I would not have had the undeniable experience with God that is transcribed in the hand of a twelve year old child, "baptised in the Holy Spirit-August 25, 1961." O, to be sure, God could have chosen another way, but he didn't. Nothing happens by accident. God is sovereign and in control of all that happens, the good and the bad..

"This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour, all the day long."

The Martial Arts

I found myself, one morning, wandering on the aikido networks with a longing to once again practice. I am surprised that this has happened! The journey has caused me to pause and think about my journey in the martial arts. I had my beginnings, in 1972, with Tashu Karate Dojo under the instruction of Jim MacArthur sensei of the Chito ryu. After attaining a green belt I was feeling pretty unfullfilled, and transfered my skills to Hung Gar Kune, where I studied under Stephen Chang sifu. Once again feeling unsatisfied I returned to karate under the instruction of Isao Yabinaka of the Goju Ryu, and later to Shito Ryu under the direction of Harry Crawshaw sensei. Here I obtained my shodan ranking.

A move to Hedley, British Columbia, where I worked for several years at the One Way Adventure Foundation, I trained under Gordon Reynaud, who remains today a trusted friend and mentor. I was certified by the Christian Black Belt Association and graded nidan in the Shiho Karano Ryu. During my time with the Foundation I began to train with Robert Powers, under the direction of T. Oshima shihan, with whom I trained in Shotokan Karate. Upon my moving to the Vancouver area I continued to study Shotokan with Norman Welsh, Bernie Doyle, and John McKay.

It was during these years that I met Bernie Lau sensei and was introduced to aikido and Itten ryu Ju Jutsu. Aikido become my new love, and while I lived in the Vancouver area I began to train under the instruction of Chuck Aarons sensei, following the direction of Y. Kawahara shihan of the Vancouver Aikikai. As the years would pass, and once again I would move a couple of times, I founded the Similkameen Valley Aikikai in Hedley, B.C., and the North Island Aikikai in Port Hardy, B.C., respectively. While leading practice at the Similkameen Valley Aikikai, I was introduced to G. Del Cueto sensei of the Rengokai Daito Ryu Aiki Ju Jutsu. Through his guidance I was graded to the first level of Daito ryu and licenced to teach the shoden mokoroku of Daito Ryu techniques.

The North Island Aikikai closed its doors in 1996, and re-opened as the Renshinkan Dojo, under the direction of Y. Toyoda of the Ki Society, with whom I taught classical Aikido to the children of the Gwa'sala-'Nakwakda'xw Elementary School. Once again I closed the doors of Renshinkan Dojo after I realized that I had a conflict beetween my faith and aikido. This is an old conflict which has surfaced time and time again over the years of my practice. This time it seems that it was final. I have not practiced now for five plus years, but the temptation is still there. Through the guidance of Stephan Toyoda, the son of Fumio Toyoda shihan I returned to the aikido fold, and Renshinkan Dojo once again opened its doors to a select group of students in the Port Hardy area. Today I hold nidan rank in the Shiho Karano Ryu, Ikkyu with the Aikido Association International, and under the direction of Guillermo Murphy del Cueto teach the curriculum found in the shoden mokoroku of the Dai Nippon Daito Ryu Aiki Ju Jutsu Rengokai. Sometimes the Journey is the Destination.

A Turn In The Road

Well, it has been some time since my last entry, almost a whole year has gone by since my last blog. Some of you may be wondering what I am up to, or how the journey has transpired during the past twelve months. So, here goes.

As some of you will know 2 and a half years ago I took on a late in life career change, moving from the pastoral field into the culinary field. the journey has been most interesting, and need I say that Gordon Ramsay has nothing on Mark Roberts when it come to culinary expectations. Still, I came, as the writer says, to a fork in the road, and taking the road less traveled has proved to be sensational. I began simply washing dishes, from there I moved to the prep table, and today I am the breakfst cook and the sous chef, in charge when Mark is out of the kitchen. It has been a life long dream, to fill the shoes of a professional cook, and today the Harbourview Resturant has a breakfast line cook that has survived twenty-three others, far more qualified and experience than me. Mark say, "You can teach a person to cook an egg, but you cannot teach him a work ethic." I take this as a compliment.

And you know what, If you have been a regular reader of this blog, you will know that my other dream was to pastor, a dream that ended with my failure in a church in Alert Bay. But God has a way about him, and if you check out the other blog that I am keeping, http://www.livingtogetherinaworld fallingapart.blogspot.com you will find that I am pastoring a cyber church-The Living Room Church, a church meant for those who want to know more about God, more about themselves, and more about each other. Sometimes the Journey is the destination.

Giving Thanks

Due to the fact that two young men that I worked with 20 years ago made the effort to seek me out to say thanks I thought that it was time to post my own story. So after a year's absence here is a new blog addition:

35 years ago, when I was in a troubled stage of life, and was on parole my parole office worked very hard to set me on the right path. During or final meeting he asked me what I really wanted to do wih my life. angferly I resonded tha "It really didn't matter what I might want, the things that I wanted were impossible." Jim (not his real name), in his gentle way began to challenge me.

"What is it that you want?

Resonding with more anger than sense I said, that, "I wanted to do what he was doing, helping troubled youth to get on track."

"What prevents you from achieving this lofty goal."

"My own lack of education. I only have a grade eight and I know that I would need a degree in something to qualify as a probation/parole office. so what is the use?"

Again in that gentle way, Jim asked me what I needed to do in order to get the necessary education.

"I guess I would have to go back to school, and get a high school diploma"

"And what would you have to do today to get that high school diploma?"

"I guess," I spat out, "I would have to go back to school."

"Then get out and go."

I stormed out of his office, indignant and angry. "Who was he, and what did he know?" What I didn't realize was that he started something in me, that would lead to a return to school, and eventualy to a Dogwood, a pretty mean feat for a young man in his twenties, fresh out of jail, who didn't believe that it could be done. I only wanted to prove Jim wrong. Today I hold a Master's Degree from the most prestigious grad school in North America, and while I was pursueing my degree, I realized that I had never said thanks to Jim for his effort on my behalf. I began a diligent search for him beginning at the parole office where we had that omminous conversation. What I found was that he had retired, and was no longer living in the Vancouver area. I managed to track him to Prince George and then the trail grew cold. Jim was no where to be found, and I was left without the ability to say thank you.

In relating his story to a local newspaper man, I was suddenly set back when he said, "How many troubled youth have you served in the days gone by?"

I stopped the interview to count, and of the many troubled youth in my life the two who have recently contacted me to say thanks, came into view.

"You see," the reporter said, "You have said thanks many times over. With every youth whose life you helped to change the thanks giving has rang out, and I am sure that Jim has heard."

You can find the whole story in the North Island Gazette "Midweek." Still it is good to hear that your life has impacted at least one other. A special thanks to Eddie and Bruce for taking the time and making the effort to say thanks, and I know that they are repeating the process.

What is it that you need to do today to set into play the great and lofty goals of your life? My advise is the same as that offered to me 35 years ago, "Get out and go." In Morita Therapy, the field of my chosen endeavors, the advise is simple as it is profound, "Do what needs to be done."