Life Experiences

Reading Seasons of Resurrection in the April issue of the Testimony has prompted me to write my own. This is my story of finding purpose in the weave of God's grace.

My story begins in an ill conceived marriage and a poorly planned pregnancy designed to save an already failing relationship. Three months after my birth, my father was imprisoned and my mother, snatching her two young children ran to seek peace in the farmlands of the prairies. Out of this grew her desires to, at all costs, protect her daughter and her son. It was in 1954 that we moved into the derelict hotel where mother kept house to provide for her little family. The hotel was frequented by men who found themselves unable to travel to their own homes after a night of drinking. Nightly visits by the local police were standard fare for my early years. Two years after our arrival in the hotel one of those who frequented the dark hallways and dingy rooms lured me from my mother's watchful eye; and in the darkness I was sexually assaulted. Now some would see this as a travesty of the dark lord, but it is the place where my story really begins.

You see, mother, unable to escape her own life situation, fearing that the abuse would continue, knowing that she could no longer protect me, sent me to live with her youngest sister and her family. It so happens that Aunt Tillie and Uncle Earl had recently come to Jesus. Mother could have no idea of what was to lie ahead. She only knew that in this home I would be safe.

I spent many summers, and in 1961, a whole year in that wonderful home. It was there that I first heard of Jesus, and during my second summer it was there that I committed my life to him. . And it was there, in the summer of 1961 that at a bible camp where I spent each summer, I would experience an out pouring of the Holy Spirit that would seal my relationship with the Saviour for the years that followed. Conversion and a radical baptism in the Spirit of God was not followed by a wonderful life. At Christmas of 1961 I returned to live in my mother's home; and we traveled to the west coast to live with her dying father. Without the support of a Christian family I soon found my own way, and found myself lost.

At 17 I ran away from home and found myself living on the street. Drugs followed, and soon I found myself arrested and in jail. , But, the story is not over. 15 years after my wanderings began I found myself, at the invitation of a friend, in a Salvation Army Church in Vancouver. It was here that I would once again find my way back to the Father, and find him not only waiting but actively seeking me out. I once again experienced the mercy and grace of God.

In the wonder of another undeniable experience, I remembered the stories of Jesus, learned in the home of Aunt Tillie and Uncle Earl. I came home to Jesus. As I sit in my own home 32 years later, I find myself marveling at the grace of of God. Grace always triumphs shame. Today I hold a Master's Degree in Christian Studies from Regent College, a most prestigious Christian graduate school, and just this past week heard a First Nation's woman whom I honour and respect, refer to me, in public, as "pastor;" and I think of the story of Joseph.

After the death of his father, Jacob; his brothers who had mistreated him as a child, and sold him into slavery, feared reprisal. So they came up with a story in which Joseph was called to forgive. "And Joseph said to them, fear not; for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save a people alive" (Gen. 50:19-20). God comes into view, as pastor Q, Cara, myself, and many others who question God are faced with sovereignty, mercy, and grace.

One of the blessings that God has given me through Regent College is an ability to work in the original languages. The truth is found only in the Hebrew where the same word "chashab" is used both for the evil intentions of Joseph's brothers and the Good intentions, plans, and purpose of God. "I know what I am planning for you, says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future" (Jer. 29:11-NCV).

How, you may ask, has the intention, plan, and purpose of God played itself out in the evil intentions against me? It is grace in the weaving of the tapestry of life. If I had not been sexually assaulted, mother would have never sent me away to live with Aunt Tillie. I would not have heard the gospel and witnessed it in the lives of mother's youngest sister. I would not have had the undeniable experience with God that is transcribed in the hand of a twelve year old child, "baptised in the Holy Spirit-August 25, 1961." O, to be sure, God could have chosen another way, but he didn't. Nothing happens by accident. God is sovereign and in control of all that happens, the good and the bad..

"This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour, all the day long."